HAWT Dodgers Gear for '09

I don't own enough Dodgers gear. Every Dodgers fan is required to own a New Era fitted cap, and I'm cool in that department. I've got a freebie Dodgers.com white tee that's too soot-smeared to wear out in public. And I've got a blue Garciaparra tee, inherited from the big little bro, but it's a few boobs too big for me. I need some new gear, but I won't wear just anything. I probably won't even wear a replica jersey. Like hockey and football jerz's, authentic baseball tops just don't work unless you're a rapper, a lesbian, or wearing baseball stirrups. So forget the dozens of potentially awesome replica jerseys (Choi, Strawberry, Butler, Quantrill, etc.) you can spend your day hunting down on eBay. All I want for Christmas is Chin-lung Hu.

Dodgers Tie Dye Shirt - $20.00

Can't figure out if this is ironic wear or serious wear. Probably depends what you accessorize it with.

Dodgers Poncho - $65

Fashion Tip: Be naked under this.

1988 World Champions Ring - $8.99

This will look good on you in Facebook photos and when you grab things off the rack at upscale secondhand boutiques.

Reversible Leather/Wool Jacket - $179.99

OK, don't get this.

Reebok Dodgers Sandals - $24.95

For optimal function, slip these on in the morning, smoke a bowl out of Bong Chi Kuo, sit in recliner, watch Three's Company.

Fernando Valenzuela Cooperstown Throwback Jersey - $105

I know I said no jerseys. This is the one and only exception. ABBA wrote a song about him.

Phiten Titanium Dodgers Necklace X30 - $23.99

I don't know what this is, but you can probably use it as a whip in case the Pablo Sandoval fan next to you gets a little unruly.

Los Doyers Shirt - $18.99

I might actually buy this. If there are any Hispanics reading this blog, please tell me if this is racist.

Joe Jonas Dodgers Ray Ban Wayfarers

WANT. WANT. WANT. WEENIS. WANT.