Bro, you have it all wrong...

This is who Jose Canseco was talking about...

Say it aint so.....

I've let it be known on this blog, and in drunken conversations with friends, that I'm not the most critical person in the world when it comes to steroids in baseball. I justified my position by arguing that steroids gave the MLB a better product. I take it all back. It's hard to imagine a bigger cover-up in sports....ever. Baseball, and Selig, have obviously known about the steroid abuse for the last decade, and they did nothing.

When Jose Canseco has more credibility than Bud Selig, something's gone terribly wrong. Canseco, once the madcap, mean spirited asshole of sports, is now baseball's most dependable source when it comes to the steroid saga. Everyone he's accused has been found guilty. Now, seeing yet another opportunity to enter the spotlight, the broke D-Bag is claiming that he knows there is a steroid user in the Hall of Fame. One has to assume that player is Rickey Henderson--Canseco's teamate in Oakland during the '90s. What's worse? I have no doubt the sleazy tattle tail is telling the truth.

It's time to bite the bullet and release the list--or have Selig step down as commissioner. Someone's obviously leaking these names, and he/she/it should step up and release all of them. Let us, the public, move on, and save the legacies of those players who didn't take steroids. Blow the top off this thing, end the speculation, and give the public a concrete end to the steroid era.

294+230= A Very Fat Bullpen

Big news in the City of Angels today. ESPN is reporting that the Lake Show and LO have agreed to terms on a 4 year, $33 million contract. The Lakers are, once again, the favorites in the West--in my eyes. Had Kupchak and Dr. Buss failed to sign LO, the Spurs would have been the pick to win it. The Lakers will enter the preseason much improved, and everyone's favorite to repeat. I really can't wait to see Artest and Garnett go at it next year.

In other news, the Dodgers got some much needed help for the bullpen in acquiring George Sherrill. The Blue Crew sent Steven Johnson and Josh Bell to the Orioles in return for the Flat-Billed Fatapuss. Many people will remember Sherrill from the 2008 all star game. His unique delivery, robust frame, and 2.40 ERA will set up for Baby Brox, creating what is sure to be the heaviest bullpen duo in the history of professional baseball-- their combined weight: 524 pounds.

Manny and Ortiz Before Roids

Not Funny

This is for that little child with no father
For that man that doesn't have a place to stay
For that little boy living with AIDS...

Who Haz the Longest Hair in Sports?

I was watching the Dodgers vs. Cards game last night, because it was on ESPN, I wanted to see Matt Holliday in red, and I love the Dodgers. I really do. Besides the revelation that my good buddy Jonny had never in his life heard of Albert Pujols (but was familiar with Fernando Tatis), the most startling occurrence of the evening was, well, Manny's hair. I couldn't help but marvel at the man's locks every time he stepped to the plate. His dreads are chunky. They're robust. His scalp really must be remarkably healthy. And jeez is that hair long. I don't know if you've noticed. Maybe, like me, you were too occupied with the thought of Manny just being Manny. But the dude's hair goes down to his nipples. AND IT'S IN DREADS. Imagine how long it must really be. Is there any professional athlete with longer hair than Man-Ram?

A few come to mind:











Fuck, i don't know anything about soccer. help plz.

BOOM!

TrueBlueLA.com puts up these probability of win graphics courtesy of Fangraphs.com every once in a while. They didn't for this big game and I was curious just how mathematically devastating the Manny slam really was. Well, there you have it.

Observations - July 23

- After watching last night's game, it's become apparent that Matt Kemp is not only one of the most underrated hitters in the majors, as everyone seems to be saying right now, but he's also one of the most deft and range-y centerfielders in the MLB.

- I learn time and again that Russell Martin is a superb catcher. Last night he knocked numerous awry Billingsley pitches into the dirt in front of him, and he executed 2 impressive throwouts during the game: one to end the inning and save a run after scooping up a Billingsley wild pitch and rocketing it to first; another to third to catch votto/nicks/other white Reds guy stealing (stupidly) with zero outs.

- Billingsley is wild. The walk totals don't lie.

- Manny Ramirez is the greatest hitter I've ever watched play on my computer screen. Vin Scully said during the broadcast, "the crowd made the loudest noise in 20 years" after Manny's pinch-hit grand slam.

- Bronson Arroyo's hair needs to be cut for cancer or some other worthy cause.

- Vin says Tim Wakefield is the best guitarist in the MLB. Yes, better than Bronson.

- David Weathers.

- Don Sutton pitched on the 1988 championship team. I noticed this the other day while looking up Mike Sharperson's stats. Sutton didn't make the cut for the postseason roster and retired the following offseason.

- The Dogs swept the Reds. They're now 78-23. Or something like that.

SCHMIIIIIIIIIDTAAAAY

Last night, in his first start since June 16, 2007, Jason Schmidt took to the bump against the Reds. The first inning saw some schmitty defense and a bunch of 88 mph fastballs down the pipe. The Red Machine put up a quick three runs, but after the first, number 29 seemed to settle down a bit. He went 5 innings, finished with two Ks and 3 walks, and got the win.

Let's be honest, Schmidt looked nothing like the dude we signed in 2006. He still has the same chicken legs, but his fastball topped out at a Gregg Maddux-esque 89 mph. He's far from the power pitcher he used to be and we hoped would return from injury. Without his power fastball, I really doubt he can be effective in the rotation OR in the bullpen. His lack of velocity has forced him to completely alter his strategy on the mound and, quite frankly, his breaking stuff is not good enough to complement his new mind set. Steroids?

Oh well, at least our offense is awesome.

HAWT Dodgers Gear for '09

I don't own enough Dodgers gear. Every Dodgers fan is required to own a New Era fitted cap, and I'm cool in that department. I've got a freebie Dodgers.com white tee that's too soot-smeared to wear out in public. And I've got a blue Garciaparra tee, inherited from the big little bro, but it's a few boobs too big for me. I need some new gear, but I won't wear just anything. I probably won't even wear a replica jersey. Like hockey and football jerz's, authentic baseball tops just don't work unless you're a rapper, a lesbian, or wearing baseball stirrups. So forget the dozens of potentially awesome replica jerseys (Choi, Strawberry, Butler, Quantrill, etc.) you can spend your day hunting down on eBay. All I want for Christmas is Chin-lung Hu.

Dodgers Tie Dye Shirt - $20.00

Can't figure out if this is ironic wear or serious wear. Probably depends what you accessorize it with.

Dodgers Poncho - $65

Fashion Tip: Be naked under this.

1988 World Champions Ring - $8.99

This will look good on you in Facebook photos and when you grab things off the rack at upscale secondhand boutiques.

Reversible Leather/Wool Jacket - $179.99

OK, don't get this.

Reebok Dodgers Sandals - $24.95

For optimal function, slip these on in the morning, smoke a bowl out of Bong Chi Kuo, sit in recliner, watch Three's Company.

Fernando Valenzuela Cooperstown Throwback Jersey - $105

I know I said no jerseys. This is the one and only exception. ABBA wrote a song about him.

Phiten Titanium Dodgers Necklace X30 - $23.99

I don't know what this is, but you can probably use it as a whip in case the Pablo Sandoval fan next to you gets a little unruly.

Los Doyers Shirt - $18.99

I might actually buy this. If there are any Hispanics reading this blog, please tell me if this is racist.

Joe Jonas Dodgers Ray Ban Wayfarers

WANT. WANT. WANT. WEENIS. WANT.

Cricket in the US?

Really?

We Walk, We Rock

I'M BACK!!

Hello readers, sorry for my lack of posts. I've been moving into my new pad in Chicago and haven't had time to write. Anyhooooo....

A lot's been going on in the Lakers front office. To begin, Dr. Buss--taking a page from the McCourt playbook--has rescinded the 4 year, 36 million dollar offer to LO. From what I've read, it appears that there aren't many, if any, teams that are willing to meet Odom's request for a $10 milly a year. It appears as though the Lakers are using this lack of interest as leverage to try and get LO to sign for less. This whole debacle is eerily similar to the contract negotiations between Manny and the Dodgers front office at the begining of the year. If you don't remember, the Doggies, knowing that Manny was attracting very limited interest, played hard ball with Boras and our dreadlocked savior from day one. Manny, like Odom, had no other offers on the table, and Colleti and Mccourt played chicken, allowing the negotiations to drag on.

I can't tell if this is a smart move or a death sentence for the Lakers. Much like Manny and the Dodgers, Odom has been a huge part of the Lakers' success. However, unlike Manny, Odom doesn't carry the baggage and unreasonable demands that Manny did-- If Marcin Gortat can get $7 million a year, then Odom has every right to ask for $10. If the Blazers, Mavs, or any other team willing to spend offers Odom the kind of money he wants and he leaves, the Lakers are in trouble. This is a bold move by the front office, and time will tell if it's a smart one.

On the diamond, the Dodgers entered the All-Star break with the best record in baseball. They're number one in virtually all of the power rankings, and our bullpen has been lights out thus far. However, don't expect the Dogs to dominate in the second half. Chad Billingsly has thrown more pitches than any other hurler in the Majors, our bullpen is starting to show signs of vulnerability, and we still don't have a consitent back-end starter. Look for the Dodgers to pursue some veteran arms to help shore up the rotation and bullpen. Don't expect the Dogs, however, to make a push for an ace such as Halladay or Dan Haren--the cost of trading for one of these studs would likely include Kershaw and a couple prospects. One name that hasn't come up yet, but should, is Ben Sheets. The dude has been out of the league all year, but don't forget he was the NL's starting pitcher in the All Star game only a few years back. If his arm isn't strong enough to start, it should be strong enough to come out of the bullpen. I'm also gonna go out on a limb and predict we see the return of Joe Beimel. He's just the type of guy we need with Belisario hurt, and he's voiced his interest in returning to LA on more than one occasion.

DB

MARCIN!

Marcin Gortat is about to make just under $7 million a year. Friends, this is exhibit 1A why you want to be a professional athlete. Anyway, I was surfing the net, learning a little about our Polish friend when I stumbled upon the following video. It happened at a dunk contest somewhere in Eurasia. It is real. Polish joke.

Big Victory in the Big Citi

I saw the 2009 Dodgers in person for the first time last night. Wow. This team is impressive. Never mind that we were facing Livan "my belly interferes with my throwing elbow" Hernandez. Never mind that the squad was going up against a disastrously depleted Mets squad (The Post has resorted to calling the team "the Replace-Mets" lately). Never mind that Randy Wolf had supersticiously changed his uniform number hours before the game. The Dodgers looked incredible.

This is the most stacked Dodgers offense I have ever witnessed in my life.

I walked through the Citi gates and up the Keith Hernandez Jackie Robinson Rotunda stairs at 7:25, fifteen minutes after the first pitch. Glancing at the massive scoreboard on the way to our cheap seats way up and behind home plate, I discovered we were already up 4-0. My buddy Scott said that's the thing about baseball. In no other sport can a game be over in such short order. I responded with something about him spending less time pouring Jim Beam in the Grand Central men's room.

The game almost became a game in the bottom of the first, but the Mets limp lineup couldn't muster more than a run. They got another in the bottom of the third, but by that time we had tagged Livan for 6 and it really did look like the game was over.

Citi was about half full by the top of the sixth, either because Mets fans had left the building or because they were wandering around - which the stadium's design seems to encourage you to do. And that's really the best part about this new stadium. Designed by HOK Sport (the builders behind 16 other MLB stadiums - think Citizen's Bank Park, Petco, Comerica), Citi features more standing room than any stadium I've been to. There are cup holders behind seats in the last row of certain sections. The ushers let you hover anywhere you're not obstructing a view. And there are picnic tables above the bullpens in center field (more impressive: there was room to sit down).

The food's not too bad either. Of course we didn't wait 30 minutes for Shake Shack, but the Skipper and Jonny ate some carnitas tacos that they called "decent." Pete had a bag of peanuts I couldn't stop putting my hands in, and I spent no time waiting in line for a mediocre dog and a couple beers - both of which were better and cheaper than their new Yankee stadium counterparts. I'm quite convinced now that Citi tramples Yankee Stadium in every other facet, too. Dodger Stadium? Not quite. The new Mets stadium, though offering a backdrop slightly more scenic than Shea, still overlooks what looks like a vast industrial wasteland. When I think of Dodger Stadium, I Think Blue.