DUM DUM DUM DUM

Here we go ya'll. Game 1, Staples Center, Nugs vs the Flakeshow. This is about as much of a must-win for the Lakers as any other game in this series is gonna be. We CAN'T give up home court advantage to our pesty, corn-rowed friends from the Mile HIgh city. During these playoffs it's been nearly impossible to beat these dudes in their own place. The altitude, atmosphere, and unattractive crowed make it hard to win. This series is gonna come down to energy and rebounds. Both of these teams are offensive juggernauts and both struggle on the defensive end at times. Look for George Karl to stick the Birdman on Kobe early in the game. His intensity, length and athletic ability scare me. Hopefully Odom will stay off the benedrill and start playing with some energy so he can match up with the ugly faux-hawked Nugget.

I'm not sure whether the last series taught me that the Lakers are very, very vulnerable or that they actually CAN just turn it on and off like the championship teams earlier this decade. Let's hope it's the latter, cause if it's the former, we're in beeeeig trouble.

Dodgers: Catching Up

It's been a week or two since we've devoted any words to the boys in blue. It's kinda like Doom and I are a ghey married couple - which isn't that far from the truth - and one of our adopted Philippino kids has made it to the semifinals of the world amateur jai-alai championship where we've joined him in Montevideo while the other has been stuck under the care of aunt Ruthie. We love you Dodgers, we just kinda love our other child a little more right now... well, as long as he keeps winning.

But let's check in. Dodgers, how are you? You won 2 out of 3 games against both the Phillies and the Marlins during your 6 game East Coast road trip. You're 5-5 since losing Manny (40 games to go). And you still have the best record in the bigs (26-13). We do still love you, Dodgers. And we love you no matter what you do.

Juan Pierre is straight up knocking oodles of booty in ManRam's place, hitting .465 during the last 10 games, scoring 11 runs and knocking in 9. You knew he was a marginal starter in the MLB, but no way was he worth the $10 million he's getting paid this year. For our own comfort, Dodgers fans, lets pretend the $7.7 mil we're saving on Manny is Pierre's bonus for holding down the fort while he's gone. That make sense? No? Whatever.

My good buddy Sean has been particularly impressed with Clayton Kershaw recently. On Sunday vs. the Marlins he threw 7 innings of 1-hit ball, striking out 9. Sean wrote this to me:

Mark my words, in 2 years, kershaw will be the best pitcher in baseball. his fastball hits mid 90's and his hook of a curve ball bends the laws of science. he is just starting to incorporate his change-up. when he masters the change-up, ala johan santana and pedro martinez, he will experience cy young worth success.

Sean goes on to write that the 21-year-old stud will definitely have his ups and downs in the coming seasons, and I wouldn't be too surprised to see one of those downs when he next gets on the mound Saturday vs. the Angels. Kershaw has yet to string together consecutive wins.

On the day of Manny's suspension, Ned Colletti was asked what most concerned him about the squad. "My concern on Thursday was the same as my concern was on Wednesday: pitching," he said. The Dodgers have given up an Oriole-esque 4.6 runs/game since Manny's departure (and scored 6.1). While our rotation isn't the worst in the bigs, there's no doubt it could use some help. That help might be on its way. Hideki Kuroda, who's making $12.4 mil this year, is about a week away from making his first rehab start since straining his oblique (see figure) five weeks ago. Jason Schmidt, who's making $15 mil and hasn't tossed in the majors since June 2007, threw 101 pitches against the Single-A Lake Elsinore Storm in a 7-3 win for the Inland Empire Sixers. He gave up 5 hits, striking out six and walking three. Sunnier times really are on the horizon for our rotation.

Drafting Old Dudes: The Safe Bet

The Rockets have adopted an incredibly effective strategy for drafting and signing young players--they take players with significant experience at the college level. The young players who have been instrumental to their success in the series (Aaron Brooks, Carl Landry, Shane Battier (sorta young), and Chuck Hayes) all played 3 or more years of college ball. WIth the exception of Shane Battier, none of them were first round picks and yet all of them are playing like studs. I don't understand why NBA GMs shy away from the old dudes in the draft. Sure these draft picks aren't sexy, but they're way safer than drafting dudes like DeAndre Jordan based on potential. When was the last time one of these "project picks" panned out?

Take this draft for example. Courtney Lee, the young Magic stud from Western Kentucky, played 4 years of college, setting the school's all time scoring records and playing in 128 games. Before the draft, scouts sang his praise describing him as a "safe pick". Yet he was taken after such "project" picks as Anthony Randolph, Javale McGee, Alexis Ajinca, and Marreesse Speights. NBA big wigs need to learn from their mistakes, sure taking a chance on a young, athletic, baby faced prospect might pay off, but it probably won't. College is where these players learn how to play basketball. College coaches are teachers, NBA coaches are strategists. All this being said, I can garuntee that players like Darren Collison, Sam Young, Dejuan Blair and Ty Lawson are going to find permanent rolls on whichever teams draft them. And to players like Jrue Holliday, BJ Mullens, and Demar Derozen, let me suggest that they get their asses out of the draft and back into the classroom.

Boo Ya!

The Lake show finally broke out of their little funk and opened a can of whoop ass on the Yao-less Rockets. We rebounded, attacked the basket and took advantage of our size--or their lack of size depending on how you look at it. The Lakers FINALLY picked up their defensive intensity, holding the Rockets to 32% from the field and winning the rebound battle by 7. Kudos Phil, for getting my message. I'm still not sure why Luke Walton is getting more minutes than Odom, Bynum or D-Fish, but the lakers were rotating on defense and moving the ball of offense. It's nice to see Farmar and J-Powell getting more minutes. Hopefully we can maintain our defensive intensity throughout the rest of the playoffs--we're definitely gonna need it against a much more offense-savvy Nuggets squad.

I'm currently eating some nachos and watching the Dogs drop a deuce on the Phillies. The Doggies are playing a really exciting brand of baseball--we're bunting, stealing and hit-and-running. I really dig O-Dog in the 3-hole, he can spread the ball all over the field and he gives us the fastest top of the line-up in the bigs. Furthermore and henceforth, I was wrong about Randy Wolf. I predicted he would struggle to hold onto his spot in the rotation, but the dude throws a lot of strikes and he's got 4 solid pitches.

Yours Truly,

DB

The Machine's Amazing

I don't know who made this and I don't really care. Usually NBA humor is really just not funny - see the comics that show up on Ball Don't Lie every week or so. This video is an exception. Or maybe I'm just a sucker for Borat humor.

Shout out to Arik who got sloshed at Paris Hilton's Hollywood Hills palace last year, bumped into Sasha, and spoke to the prized Lakers reserve at length about how he should read some novel about Bosnia. Later that night Arik did a little droogling (drunk Googling) and discovered Sasha's from Slovenia. Don't worry, A-Rock, everyone gets a second chance. Maybe Sasha will come to the Knicks when his contract is up after 2011 and you'll run into him at Bua. Maybe not.

Corie Blount Gets Slammed On

Last December cops intercepted 11 lbs. of weed sent in the mail to Lakers legend Corie Blount. They waited at the post office for the 6'10" former superstar to pick up his prize and quickly arrested him. It is unclear if the dank contraband was zip-loc'd, wrapped in spools of Fabreeze sheets, stuffed into hair conditioner bottles, and cushioned by dirty gym wear. After taking Blount into custody, police searched the 11-year NBA vet's Cincinnati home and found 18 more lbs. of headbangin' boogie shit. They also found $30k in cash, and 3 firearms. Blount argued in court that the weed was for his own personal use, but Judge Craig Hedric didn't buy it. "Cheech and Chong would have had a hard time smoking that much," he said during Blount's hearing today. He slammed the legend with a one year sentence behind bars.

Blount has career averages of 3.6 PPG, 4.2 RPG, and .41 BPG in 644 games in the NBA. He helped the Lakers lose early in the playoffs every year during the celebrated Del Harris era, and in '99 he was waived after the team acquired J.R. Reid and Glen Rice. The next year the Lakers won the title.

Lakers vs. Rockets: Game 5 Preview

I walked away from our overwhelming Game 3 victory thinking this series was over. I thought we might not win game 4, and who knows, maybe the series would go 7, but the Lakers were a lock. Then Yao went down, I cried a little inside, cried a little on the outside when I saw him sitting there at the end of the bench during the beginning of game 4, and I was sure the Lakers would do it in 5. Look at that depleted roster. You couldn't hit 100 points if you added that starting 5's career highs.

But then on Sunday it was proven again why I love basketball. This game really is about chemisty, motivation, history, personalities, and more than any other sport, synnergy. The Rockets on Sunday were more valuable on the court than the sum of their parts. There was a little bit of NBA Finals 2004 in the air. A team came together with a higher calling to destroy a super power, and we crumbled, ashamed of ourselves.

“We didn’t understand the type of energy Houston was going to come with,” Kobe said after Game 4. “We didn’t have that type of energy.” Will they find it tonight for Game 5? A better question might be whether the Rockets bring the same level of energy to Staples that they summoned on Sunday. Personally, I don't think it's possible. Neither does Vegas, which has put the line at Lakers -12. Yes, you read that right. The Lakers are the overwhelming favorite despite L.O.'s uncertain status following Sunday's flying hip flop onto the court. Phil and the trainers are calling it a bruised back, and I'd give the man a %50 chance of playing tonight. I'd give Kobe a %97 chance of playing like an MVP tonight. He was out-scored 23 to 15 by Shane "The Kobe Impeder" Battier on Sunday, and if you know Kobe, you know he's not going to let that happen again.

But who else is going to show up? Can we even play Bynum more than 9 minutes against a team that rocks a 6'6" starting Center? Probably not. But we will play Pau and play him hard. We sorta tried to do that on Sunday but very quickly abandoned our strategy once the Houston electrons started spinning us in circles. You better believe Pau will put up at least 20 points tonight, perhaps 40 if Lamar doesn't play. But hope he does. Especially if you put your money on the Lakers -12.

Really, Lakers?

Is anyone else getting fed up with Phil Jackson's zen nonsense? I don't know about you, but watching him sit on his high chair (literally) emotionless and unconcerned is starting to piss me off. Through the first 4 games of this series he has been thoroughly outcoached by Rick Adelman-- a man who clearly has a little animosity towards the Lake Show left over from his days with the Kings. The Rockets are playing harder, executing better, and hustling more. While we can attribute some of the Lakers' lazy, uninspired play to the players themselves, at some point we have to point our fingers at the coach. It's the coaches job to motivate the players and to put people on the court who can execute. Clearly, Phil hasn't been doing his job. I'm sick of seeing Kobe shoot over two Rocket players after a timeout.

The Lakers look like an entitled group of softies who think the Western Conference title is going to be handed to them. They need to realize that their "soft" title doesn't come from their inability to fight or throw elbows, but from their inability to rebound or contest lay ups. Game 5 is make or break. Hopefully they'll get the message.

P.S. Dodgers are on national tv for the first time all year on Wednesday

Follow Derek Fisher's Twitter Throughout the game

http://twitter.com/derekfisher

NBA Inspired Libations

A couple NBA-inspired cocktails came to my attention today. The weekend is upon us, so no time to waste, time to get wasted, straight to the chaser...

Thanks to Sean "Big Ballz" Frieds for hooking me up with the recipe to The LeBomb James.

The ingredients:
- 1 Shot Crown Royal (cuz he's the King, duh [though he's not Canadian])
- Red Bull
- 3 packs of Splenda

Instructions:
Drop the Crown in the Red Bull, throw it down your throat, tear open the Splenda packs, dump the contents into one hand, smack your hands together and throw that shit into the air. (Unless you're in a Cleveland sports bar, girls will think you're a real douchenozzle after tossing artificial sweetener in the air. Practice the LeBomb with caution.)

Adam K at Vanity Fair introduced the world to The Black Mamba today, in honor of what's sure to be a big game out of Kobe tonight.

The ingredients:
- 1 oz. Beefeater gin infused with Early Grey tea
- 1 1/2 oz. Domaine de Canton ginger liqueur
- 1/2 oz. lemon juice

Instructions:
Combine, shake, serve over ice, drink. (In Adam's hasty attempt at convincing Max B us he's a man's man, he neglected to take note that the Black Mamba is so named for the pitch-blackness of its inner mouth. More like the Albino Black Mamba here. Ummm, maybe stick to Fashion Week?)

Lakers vs. Rockets: Game 3 Preview

Lakerland is nervous. The team isn't what you thought it was 2 months ago, huh? Thankfully, Stu Jackson is of the same mind. Kobe prob would've gotten the game suspension he deserved under the rules had the Lakers gone into Houston with a 2-0 advantage. But the Lakers need him. The NBA needs Kobe. This is a business first, an entertainment medium second, and a fair competitive platform 141st.

So are we going to win tonight? Vegas thinks so. Lakers are -1.5 on Bookmaker. I'm not quite so sure. There are too many questions about this team, not enough answers. For the first time in a long time, Phil doesn't seem to have them. He's been mum on who's gonna take D-Fish's spot in the starting lineup. Does he know? Farmar's seniority and experience vs. former Pac-10 rival Aaron Brooks makes him the frontrunner, and you know how we feel on that issue here at this very pro-Farmar blog (btw dave, we need to change this blog's name). Do the Lakers stand a chance against this team if he doesn't step up? Do we stand a chance against the Nuggets without him? No. I don't think there's a better candidate to match up with Houston's littles, and to provide that spark off the bench we'll need to combat a barrage of points from J.R. Smith. With Lamar in the starting lineup, Sasha looking nothing like The Machine, and.... shit our bench is weak! Farmar needs to play hot tonight, and work up some confidence in himself and in Phil for the next few weeks.

Besides the PG situation, the key to tonight's game will be limiting Yao's effectiveness. That means putting him in foul trouble. That means taking it to the rim. But who's going to get into the paint? You've probably heard all about how Kobe just isn't the slasher he used to be. Via Bill Simmons' game 1 diary:

Kobe has attempted a total of 44 FTs in six playoff games (7.2 per game). Last spring, he attempted 194 FTs in 22 playoff games (8.8 per game). For the regular season, his FT attempts dropped from 10.2 (2005-06) to 10.0 ('06-07) to 9.0 ('07-08) to 6.9 ('08-09). So, no, Kobe doesn't go to the hole as much. Let the record show MJ averaged 10.6 FTA in the '98 playoffs and Wade averaged 10.9 FTA in the '06 playoffs. I'm just sayin'.

It's Lamar time. We've heard so much about how Lamar is the man when it comes to creating mismatches, but where is it this series? I haven't seen it. LO is a combined 6-15 in the first two games here. WTF is up with that? Who's been guarding him? Scola? Landry? Whatever. The point is his effectiveness has been severely limited by the mere presence of Yao. We can't win on jump shots. No team can. It's time to take it to the rim.

NOOOOOOOOOO...Ok, Wait

This sucks. This really, really, really, really sucks. Manny has let down an entire city and tons of little kids who were in the process of growing out their dreadlocks.

The first thing that came to my mind after hearing the news was, "how is this shit show better for baseball than having the more lenient/limited drug testing that they had in the '90s". The MLB's strict testing, while giving some distorted sort of moral credibility to the league, is destroying its product and ostracizing its most charismatic and talent players--A-Rod, Bonds, Clemens, and Manny. Can you imagine if baseball fans had never found out about any of these players' steroid usage? The league would be in the best shape economically, and in terms of its popularity, ever. These test are merely speed bumps, if a player wants to juice, he's going to. What they need to do is make adjustments to the cars--make stadiums bigger-- or change the speed limit so that these players go unpunished and the league can watch the money come pouring in. Also, is anyone else surprised by how out of the blue this news is? It makes me think that there was a serious investigation for a substantial amout of time. If this is the case, the MLB needs to stop the witch hunt and move the f@#$ on. We know everyone is on steroids!

As far as what this means for the Dodgers.... Juan Pierre is popping champagne and running around naked. He will finally get his chance to be the everyday left fielder for the Dodgers. This isn't so bad. Let's not forget that he has batted over .300 four times in his career and was the spark plug for the 2003 Marlins (who won the World Series). We now have three players in our lineup who can steal 50-60 bases in a year. We also are going to bring up Xavier Paul, a kid with a lot of power who could've been in the majors a long time ago. So what does this mean? Torre needs to re-evaluate our style of play. I'm convinced you'll see the Doggies execute more hit and runs, be more agressive on the base paths, and bunt a helluva lot more. It's also important to note that we still play in the NL West--the worst division in baseball. I'm very confident that, come July 3rd, the Dogs will still be sitting on top of the NL West.

Lastly, Fat Colletti needs to take advantage of this, shitty, situation. We need to extend Manbone's contract while he's suspended. Rather than wait for him to come back and start right where he left off, we need to tack on a couple cheap years. Trust me, Dodger fans are going to embrace him when he gets back, and he's way too aloof to let this ordeal get to his head. Tack on 2 years for 11 million. By taking a paycut Manny might save face a little, and the Dodgers keep their money and production machine for a couple more years.

Depressed,

Doom Bizzle

WE WANT TACOS

Seriously, if we can't hold Ron Ron, Yao and the Rockets' pupu taquito platter under 100, we're in trouble.

Uh Oh

Perhaps I spoke too soon. The Rockets looked like a formidable opponent in their 100-92 win over the Lakers. As I had feared, the two polar opposite figures in the NBA, took a crap on the Lakers last night. To begin, if there is a quicker player in the NBA than Aaron Brooks , I haven't seen him. Brooks (no, not you mom) looks like he's 3 steps quicker than anyone on the Lakers. And what's worse? He can shoot. Phil threw a ton of different bodies at him-- even going so far as to resurrect Farmar from the depths of the bench-- to no avail. As for Yao Zedong, he is a warrior. I have to give him props. Seeing him go into the tunnel and then, in that deep, resonant Chinese accent, tell his trainers "I must go back," gave me goosebumps. He is a scary, scary player. Not only is he 7'13'', but he can shoot the 17 footer, and he shoots 100% from the free throw line. Look for him to continue to give the Lake Show fits throughout the series.

As for our Lakers, that was a shitshow. Phil didn't coach, Kobe shot too much, Pau didn't get enough touches, our role players didn't make shots, and I didn't brush my teeth cause it ended at 1:30 AM. A team as talented as the Lakers can probably win with one or two quarters of settling for mid-long range jump shots, but after that it becomes Phil's responsibility to make sure the Lakers attack the basket. Sure, Kobe was sick, but seeing him settle for jumpers all game gave me pharyngitis--something my girlfriend couldn't do two weeks ago when she had it. We (read: Kobe and Pau) have got to attack Yao and get him in foul trouble. That's our only chance of slowing the China Problem down. Last night, we looked like the soft, scared Lakers from last year. I'm not so worried about Artest shooting 50% from the three point line, I'm pretty confident that was a fluke (although with his new do' he is by far the coolest looking dude on the court). My new prediction: Lakers in 6.

As for our puppies I only have one observation. This team has something that no Dodger team has had in recent memory, something that is absolutely vital in successful teams, SWAGGER. Anytime a team goes 1-10 with runners in scoring position, hits into a triple play, and still manages to put 7 runs on the board and win by 5, you know they're special. This team KNOWS they're gonna win-- at least at this point in the season-- and it shows in the way they carry themselves. All the credit in the world goes to Joe Torre.

p.s. I finished college today

Chad Gaudin has funny facial hair

Things are sweet on the left coast.

At the Chavez Ravine, the Dodgers (17-8) are going for their 10th straight home win to start the season, a franchise record. We're sending our thick legged stud, Billingsly, to the mound against this dude --> , so needless to say, I'm feeling pretty good. The Dogs keep on finding ways to win, and once Kershaw gets on track and we get Kuroda back, they should be the team to beat in the NL.

The Lakers kick off their series against the Rockets tonight in LA. Ronnie Artest is talking smack saying that Brandon Roy, not Kobe or Lebron, is the toughest player to guard in the NBA. Not sure that calling out the Black Mamba and the stud they'd match up with in the finals IF they get past the Lake Show is the smartest move. I'm feeling pretty good about the series. We have 2 legit 7 footers to throw at your royal Yao-ness and Scola, Ariza and Kobe to throw at Batier and Ronny A, and Odom is playing like he deserves a fatty contract next year. Aaron Brooks might cause some matchup problems, but I think we have enough quick little dudes to throw at him. Unless Yao can completely dominate the series, the Rockets don't have a chance. Secretly, I'm hoping Artest runs into the stands and gets in a fight with Timberlake or Denzel--I think that would make the series a lot more interesting. Prediction: Lakers in 5

On another note, look for the Hawks to take the Cavs to 6 or 7. These dudes can ball and remind me a lot of the 2004 Pistons. They're deep, athletic, long, have a good point guard, and some good big men. Mark my words, either the Magic or Hawks -if not both- will be in the Eastern Conference Finals.